May 3rd

I have just woken up, had my coffee and checked my mail. I have recently been learning about DBT, an innovative and interesting therapeutical approach. One of the things I have to learn to do is to identify my feelings. I am not very good at that and would like to get better. One of the skills I have to learn to do is to put a name to my feelings. I have to (well, I don’t have to… who has to do anything?) try to put a name to my feelings, to label them. This is a really good question I am trying to incorporate into my life: What are two words to describe the way I am feeling in this moment right now? The truth is I don’t know. I guess I would say doubtful and inspired. There seems to be a big gap between those two feelings. They almost seem like opposites. For now, I will have to try to put up with the conflict that arises through that, to some how accept the contradictions.

PS: In my mail, I got a timely reminder that I have yet to use my new stumbleupon account. I thought I would try that: Here is an interesting account of a man who was born into a black and white world. Completely color blind form birth, he now wears some kind of cyberchip to help him process the world as other people do… ie. in color.

PPS: I recently remembered that Blue Day, which then became Blue Month, has now finished. The reality though, for many people who have autism or know someone who do is that every day is autism awareness day. One can’t help being aware of conditions that are close to home. I wish all of those people a little bit of serenity, a little bit of wisdom, and a little bit of hope.

My metta for the day: May all beings be safe, may all beings be happy, may all beings be healthy, may all beings live with ease.

From my Tibetan mind training book, Cultivating Compassion by Jeffrey Hopkins, I am learning to try and be very specific in the people I wish these things for, to think of concrete people, to let about ten people come to mind, as a kind of limit to what the mind is capable of and to prevent my metta, or equanimity practice being empty.

Recently visited the Ipswich library. They have a book called Understanding Depression by Paul Gilbert. Paul is from the UK and I have read parts of his book the Compassionate Mind. It’s a good book, but his books are very thick. They also have a book called Self Compassion that might be a useful read. Other books I noticed were a book on meditating on compassion by Kathleeen McDonald, who has written one of the big little books called How to Meditate. You can get that one at Archives at the moment.

In Archives at the moment, they also have Lovingkindness by Sharon Salzberg, which will teach you how to do metta, and a few staples by Thich Nhat Hanh, like Living Buddha, Living Christ, and I think they also have the Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching.

I also found a book called The Wisdom of No Self, by Rodney Smith, a hospice worker, at the Ipswich library. Living in the Light of Death by Larry Rosenberg at Archives (2 copies!) and a book called Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligberg (I think his name is) for only $2 at the Ipswich Hospice book shop. QBD also has some great stuff at the moment, especially a book called the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo, a cancer survivor and a book by a surviving Rajneshee, if you know what that is. I think that would be an interesting read.

PPS: Lay/buyed a book on Orthodoxy at Lifeline on Adelaide Street. It was a bit expensive but might be worthwhile. The other book they had that might be interesting for someone, I thought, was Zen Gifts for Christians.

I have a fair bit of spare time right now, so I am just doing a little bit of browsing. I applied for some voluntary work and also some casual work but haven’t heard back yet. I want to occupy my time a bit more fruitfully.

My book is a little bit on the backburner until I have access to Microsoft Word. I also have to clarify its direction. I am looking for a publisher who likes my story.

I miss my dog and my wife. I worry about our future.

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